Wednesday, January 11, 2012

A Hard Man is Good To Find

I acknowledged recently that women really do want their lives to be like a movie somedays, just somedays.  They want that man they desire to make some grand gesture, they want their hearts a-flutter, they want to sit at a coffee house or gastropub with lit candles surrounded by a group of friends talking about the new man she's in awe of.  Some women will not openly admit to being a romantic, but this is more about feeling worthy of these gestures than it is romanticism.  It's about being surrounded by people and environments that make you feel good.  Can you blame a girl? A man I discussed this with responded that women need to realize life isn't like the movies.  Fair enough, but I've decided that as long as men expect their lives to play out like porn women can happily go on thinking their lives will play out like a romantic-comedy.

On that's disappointing when even masturbating reminds you of a person you already miss.  Not that it'll stop me from continuing to do my thing on my own, but I'd rather a particular person be doing it instead.  bummer.  Life goes on....and running water goes on running. 

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Men Are Like Stockings

They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch.

Protect Your Package

The Handyman Special
 Though it's another part of a man's anatomy that is preferable to me than a hand.

Feel 'em & Seal 'em
Wrap It & Tap It
Movers & Shakers
Nuts & Bolts
Tight Screws

There's more where that came from.

It seems my mother is interested in a part of men's, particularly my eX-men's, anatomy as well - but it is in fact their hands.  It has recently come to my attention that my mother asked a former significant other of mine to assist her in a move.  I don't want to go into lengthy detail, but my mother (as loving and caring as she is) has a history of interfering and being overbearing.  I've pushed her out of many aspects of my life because of this but she seems to still find a way to exhaust every effort to fuck with my head.  Over the years since the break-up she's gone to this eX-man for various deeds she's needed done and in what I suppose can be attributed to women's desperate need for attention and to be liked remains friendly with him, in spite of the fact that they weren't that friendly in the years while we were dating.  I never really minded in the past.  In fact, there were times I saw the positive in the opportunity to remain friendly with him as well.  I've come to a turning point in my life.  I'm no longer comfortable with this.  There are various reasons, which again I will not go into details.  I tried to make it clear that I wished she'd just considered my feelings, particularly if she wants to be a big part of my life.  At first I thought I might be overreacting, though it's been built up after years of my mother making (poor) decisions without regard to my feelings.  After mentioning it to someone I've dated off-and-on for years, and who tells it to me the way he sees things, he confirmed my thoughts that I had good reason to request this not go on and hope she might respect my wishes.
Her response was first, 'I tried to avoid asking him."  Well, you didn't try hard enough.  She follows it up with, 'Then find me someone else to help me move." How about a fucking mover, or maybe....just maybe one of the billion-something other people on the planet that hasn't fucked me in that bed of yours he's about to help you move...or the couch for that matter. 
So you know what Mommy, if you really need someone to help you move - I've decided to compile a list of anyone who has services to provide you when he's done servicing me.  I'm still working on business names.  I'm going to go with that standard grey color a business uses to advertise on tee-shirts.  Neon was an option, but I have this weird attraction to a man in neon - it's an association thing - and since I'm done with these men (Put It In & Move 'em Out) I have no desire to put them in neon and ruin a good thing.  I'll be putting last names and a number on the back of the shirts - I haven't decided if the number on the back will be based on chronological order or a rating system.  I'm still working on names.

Ride 'em & Slide 'em
Nuts & Bolts

This is what I was referring to when I mentioned that it'd be difficult to discuss some topics whilst being vague about my goings-on.  With this business plan set in motion I've decided to just go with it.  Which reminds me....

Blow & Go
"Where We've Got Hard Workers"
First she'll kneel then we'll pack it up and put it on wheels.

I'm considering starting to date some electricians and plumbers. 
Slogans:  "I'll fix your pipes after I blow mine in your daughter." 
"I'll snake your drain."
"Pipe backed up?"

...and of course the mechanic - which is my thing.
Blown Head Gasket? ...anyone?


Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Introductions:  I'm not one to put my business out there for just anyone/everyone to know - ironic as I'm writing a public blog.  In fact, I actually just created a Facebook page tonight...then deleted it about eleven minutes later.  true story.  I figured I ought to just be really vague in these rants, raves, and dirty little jokes to come; but after an inspiring moment this past week of what one could do with the drive to start a small business (more on that later) it occurred to me that being direct is the path of least resistance.  I may pick and choose my words wisely, or just put it out there at the risk of being offensive.  I've got some amusing stories to tell and observations/opinions to discuss if I ever get a following of readers.  Realize this, I mean no offense to anything I may say.  I, too, want world peace.  It's recently come to my attention though, that I'm not all sugar and spice and I've got a few things to say.  meow.